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if you are pregnant, are planning to become pregnant, can potentially become pregnant, can potentially impregnate, have been diagnosed with infertility, are breast-feeding, or are not pregnant
if you are consuming any prescription or nonprescription medicine, herbal preparation, dietary supplement, animal or vegetable product, processed “food,” liquid, solid, gas, or other substance
if you have a history of an infection, an infection that does not go away, an infection that keeps coming back, an infection that is currently asymptomatic, or you are concerned that you are at risk of an infection, or you are currently using medicine to treat an infection, or you are yourself an infection, or you are currently uninfected.
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if you have ever lived in or traveled to Earth, or if you have come into contact with a human person

SOME MEDICINES MAY INTERACT.

Tell your health care provider if you are taking any other medicines, especially any of the following:

Any/All.

In event of zombie apocalypse, the uninfected should refrain from traveling to the offices of health care providers, or to hospitals, as these are likely to become significant threat vectors. Take two ibuprofen and call the doctor in the morning, if there is a doctor left to call, and if there is a morning at all. Why the fuck aren’t we done with zombies yet? Shit’s boring, y’all. We get it. Romero and stuff. Nerds.

Beware the Ides of March.

Follow The White Rabbit.

Become The Hornless Unicorn.

Today’s Forecast Calls For Quantum Showers.

It Has Always Been Today.

That will be all for now.

Oh, wait, PS: By entering this WEBSITE, you hereby grant the WEBSITE OPERATOR non-transferable eternal ownership of your SOUL.

That should cover just about everything.*

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Ask Your Doctor If Whatever Drug You Just Saw Advertised Is Right For You!

I bet it is.

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-WASHINGTON MONTHLY